Three of my colleagues are on vacation. I also have an extra project that I’m working on… I have some family overseas issues which are occupying my mind in searching for solutions. Relatively, there are some emotional pressure due to the surrounding political events… Have I mentioned the extra financial obligations as the start of school year is just around the corner?
I reach home exhausted with no power for extra demands or arguing. However, staying silent or quitting arguments drives you crazy, ladies, doesn’t it!
I’d totally appreciate your help answering this for me:
What women want?
Mohamad, I am finally now reading this. I’m so sorry you have so much on your plate. As for what women want, that is like asking what men want. Each of us is different, as are our needs/wants. Some want attention, some want to be given space. For example, I remember a time when I was home for an extended period of time due to vertigo. I was a mess and it was driving me crazy being home. Bill would get home and I’d want to talk about everything when all he wanted was a bit of peace and quiet. I went back to work and I didn’t need that interaction as much.
The opposite is true, too. I am not a morning person and Bill has figured out that is much safer (I won’t kill him) to give me some time to wake up before asking me questions. It takes a lot of time and energy to learn and teach each other these things. One bit of advice I would give you is to ask her what bothers her before you tell her what bothers you. But do it when you are both in a good mood! Saying it in the heat of an argument will be like gasoline on a fire.
One other thing…silence is death. Better that you ask her what her day was like. It’s amazing how asking another person to talk about themselves will set the stage for a better conversation overall. I know it sounds awful when all you want is some peace and quiet, but in the end, it’s easier than arguing.
Of course, it’s quite possible that I have no idea what will work for you. I wish you luck, my friend. I truly wish you luck with all of the other things you are carrying on your shoulders. ❤️
I adore you, Linda. Thank you very much for this details and wise advice. Reading comments here, I can tell that most women don’t like silence. In opposite to what I thought that silent might be a solution. There should be an optimized mix between silence and talking. I agree that when in good mood might be the best time. I’ve learned knew things here such as starting with her… Many blessings for you and for Bill
I think the world of you, too! I hope it helps. Report back! Sending the very best to you both, and Sham, too!
🙂 <3
This is a great comment. The only thing I can add is that I believe women want what all–or at least most–people want: to be truly seen and heard and understood by the people they love. Which sounds like the same thing you want, Mohamad. May by the time you read this you both have found a time to reconnect.
I’m honored by your visit, Ellen. I totally agree… Sometimes, we forget… but such advice is of a real help. Things are still under control. Thank you very much.
I am so sorry to hear this. To answer your question, I will use the answer I have found in a fairy tale, “What do women want? – To have their way.”
Storytelling left aside, we want what we want; attention, generosity in feeling and flesh, understanding, and sharing the same order of life events. We are greedy, hence the trouble.
On the other hand, I agree with you. I prefer to live in the absence of angry words. I hate fighting and reproachful conversations. Silence is better. I think that we all need a little time alone to rewind and refresh.
I do hope everything will be fine.
As always, Iulia.
Dear Iulia, I love your way in telling stories. That might really be the answer! It’s difficult to be achieved though. It’s good to hear how women think here. A good man is generous and understands the greedy need of his wife. Thus, he does his best to satisfy it while be safe in the same time… We’ve learned that when a husband (or a wife) is angry, the other party should absorb this anger in someway such as being silent. Now, I’ve learned that another course of talking should be taken when things are calm again. Thank you for your good advice and sweet words. Many blessings for you and for your family too.
Thank you very much, dear Mohamad 🙂 I am very happy to be of some help but mind you, during the periods of silence I tell myself stories. Sometimes I put them on my blog 🙂
I am sending my warmest wishes for you and your family.
That is also a great idea 😉 Thank you Iulia
It sounds like a no-win situation. Hope it gets better soon!
Yes, it’s better now… How come it won’t with all wonderful and wise advice I had here. Thank you Marie. Honestly, I totally agree, it’s no-win situation. Both parties should be more understanding and tolerating…
I was in a combative relationship for a few years. The key is to communicate with them to understand where their anger is coming from.Sometimes they have unreasonable expectations, but sometimes we are the ones who need to modify our behavior. Never meet confrontation with confrontation, simply try to understand the root of the anger, not the anger itself.
That’s my motto, Darlene, “Never meet confrontation with confrontation”. Thank you for the advice. It seems that communication does a lot…
Sometimes when arguing is getting us nowhere, just listening with a different ear helps. Listen as though it’s not you that’s the problem as though they are discussing someone else. You may find your defensiveness go down and have more compassion for how she’s feeling. Then, it may open a new direction in your conversations. Good luck!
I’m very honor by your visit and comment, Wanda. Thank you very much. I never thought of such way… It seems great idea – I totally appreciate your wise advice
Aw, thank you!
Well that a good #question to answer! I need love and fun… an harm around my sholder.
Ops…tks for follow-up my blog😊
shera
You’re most welcome, Shera. The pleasure is all mine following your blog. Thank you for the important points here. I guess they summarize everything…
Tks have a nice day!
shera
Hi Mohamad,
Sorry for you going through stress on a few fronts at the moment. It sounds like YOU are needing all the understanding and support you can get.
Things will get better. You will find solutions.
Regarding ‘what women want’ :
It’s reminding me of that comedy starring
Mel Gibson and Helen Hunt! Hilariously funny!
I agree with a previous comment,Mohamad, in that silence is never the way to go.
If my partner is silent, I start imagining all types of crazy things that he must be thinking or feeling, that are bad and he doesn’t want to tell me… and then I simmer and get more and more upset with the silence! So for me, silence is always bad!
I have read several times now that generally men need to provide for their loved ones, and women need to feel safe and secure. I think we need a lot of reassurance ( can’t say it enough!) that we are still safe and loved , even when things seem rocky!
Kindest regards. Marie.
Thank you very much Marie for your kind words and advice. Yes, I’ve learned a lot from the wonderful and honest comments here. They were very helpful. I totally agree that silence was bad in some stages and talking was the key. Any way, such problems are needed in marriage every now and then! I’m pretty sure that no marriage are free of them. I got the question from Mel Gibson; whenever I had something, I think of this movie hehehe.
Mohamad, I am sorry to hear this a bit late after your post. I think you’ve received some wonderful advice from the blogging community. At the heart of what women want is most often open communication. Perhaps your wife has nudged a few hints and not only does she want you to hear them, but really apply what she had said. It’s difficult to know exactly, but I do believe staying connected is important. Sometimes getting out of the house together helps and breaking up what is routine. All the best Mohamad.
Yes, they were useful and helpful advice. Thank you very much Sharon for the faithful advice too. I start to believe that communication is the key. I confess this isn’t easy sometimes. But with some training, things will be easier. You also referred to very important point that I usually care much about – routine. Keep changing in routine is very helpful even if it was at low levels.
All the best.
That as been a question that has been around for many full moons with no correct answers it seems.
Probably, this question won’t ever get an answer. However, I’ve read a lot of wonderful advice in comments here. We nag about women but we can’t live without them 😀 Thank you very much, Ted.
Oh dear! What makes you think we know what we want …lol…Not silence or one word answers that is for sure..and to ask how our day has been ….Before you tell us how yours has gone or has not gone and then maybe you will come home one day and get asked before you have removed your shoes how was your day today and be given a cup tea and told to sit down and rest before your dinner… Thank you for the follow 🙂
Very expressive… I’m pretty sure that being kind (such as asking how was your day) will be rewarded… In some cases, when life is bad, one might forget this but s/he will try to compensate it in other way. Thank you very much, Carol. I’m very honored to follow your blog.